Friday, October 9, 2015

Grace-full Nail Polis - I Wonder... and the story behind it

I ended up with one more Wave of Polish polish from Grace-full (me) - I had the urge to write, I don't want sympathy just to continue to raise awareness of how life is for bereaved parents. Of course I then needed a polish to match, I think a hot pink represents the whole life cycle of a girl. There are 8 bottles of this one named I Wonder.... it is a hot pink linear holo

I Wonder…

I wonder if you know 
That not only were we looking forward to having Grace in our lives but so were her brother, her grandparents, her great grandparent, her aunts and uncles and especially all her cousins.

I wonder if you know
That we'd decorated a nursery with excitement and filled it with love, dreams and possibilities of what was to come.

I wonder if you know
That we planned life around our new baby. That the house we lived in was chosen as it was perfect for our two children. That our car was made ready for two children and that the school we chose for Zac was because we could walk with our baby and not worry about her waking.

I wonder if you know
That we were preparing Zac to be a big brother. That we'd bought Christmas presents for our baby so he would learn the baby would get gifts too. That we'd spent weekend mornings in our bed explaining to him that soon there'd be four in our bed not just three.

I wonder if you know
That we were already looking forward to our baby's future. That we wanted to see those first steps, that first birthday and everyone after. That we'd thought about her first day of school, her big birthdays and one day her wedding.

I wonder if you know
When you say 'she was just a baby', 'we could have another', 'at least you have Zac' and now 'hasn't it been long enough?' that we didn't just lose a baby we lost a whole life we'd planned. A whole person whose baby years, toddler years, school years, teen years and adulthood we were so looking forward to.

I hope one day you will know
We lost so much more than you could ever believe possible, so please know we didn't 'just lose a baby', she could never have been replaced and as wonderful as Zac is, he is his own special unique person who is not a consolation prize for his sister. I hope you know we didn't just lose the newborn stage, we lost the past, the present and our future and a human being full of possibilities whom we already loved more than life.


  1. I'm very sorry for your loss.

    Beautiful polish as always. xx

  2. I don't know what is worse - losing a child you have seen grow (the physical memories of holding them...) or losing a child that you had so much hope for (all the joy and preparation, anticipation and plans never ever realized...). I know it happens every day, and many times in a horrible way - and it is the most gut-wrenching, pain-filled experience a parent can go through. It doesn't matter how long the little one was with you, or whether born yet or not, or how it happened - the loss is there. It is heartbreaking that your family will have that empty spot always, the realization that there are memories, events in your life that you will never know now because Grace is gone.

    I know life goes on because, well, that's what it does. As you know, the closer you are to something, the more you feel the effects from it. And you were Ground Zero. You could not have been any closer. Shakespeare wrote 'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child'. I think it doesn't compare to how much sharper it is to never have had the chance for experiencing all the joys and pains of being her parent and watching her grow - nothing can replace that. To be filled with so much love and anticipation and then to be so suddenly stricken - I can not imagine that blow. No matter the time, that is a lifelong scar.

    I wish you, all in time, peace. It is only natural to grieve for this little being you had such hopes for. I hope in time you will be able to gently smile and remember the love and togetherness this little angel brought your family, although for such a short time. And I truly, truly, truly wish that people, who become uncomfortable around others deep-felt grief (and, to be fair, have their own problems), would just stop making those types of comments. There is absolutely no purpose and certainly no comfort in them - the opposite, actually. They seem designed to make you feel guilty for grieving, or at least for having a whiff of sadness around them. Even if they are said with a truly sympathetic manner, I imagine a huge, spring-loaded hammer being released and pounding those type of people. And then later visiting their complaining, squished-up selves and saying 'Get over it, hasn't it been long enough?'.


I love reading people's thoughts so please leave a comment. If you have a blog or facebook page etc please leave the link I love looking at everyone's gorgeous nail work.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...